I started getting really burnt out on this lifestyle about 3 months ago, and now I am just completely done. It's a blessing I am at the halfway mark and know the second half goes by fast, or else, I might go a bit insane. I'm exhausted with my job. Yes, my kids are amazing and I have grown so close with them and seen some amazing progress, but I am just tired of the language barriers and the cultural barriers. I'm ready to be back in my own culture, around the familiar. That is not narrow minded of me at all because I have seen it, been out there (still am) and know what it's like to be thrown into a world completely outside of my own. I have pushed my own limits. I have faced loneliness head on. I have been away from family and friends during hardships, holidays, and accomplishments. I'm tired of being an ocean away. I want to be there to hug my brother when he gets straight A's in school, comfort my oldest brother as he is going through a divorce, share joy with my middle brother as he is happily married, be there for the other one as he is entering adulthood. Hold my mother as she is going through a difficult time in life, be a phone call away from my Dad when he gets lonely out on the road and there to keep him company when he gets his time off. Also, I have this growing guilt for not being a phone call and/or a hug away from friends as they go though major life events.

Another big thing about all this is that I am ready to get things going with MY life. I feel like I have been on standby for almost two years. While it's been a great adventure, I'm ready to move forward. Get things going with my career. Find a place that I could possible unpack everything for quite possibly an indefinite amount of time. Date with out the expiration date hanging over my head. I'm ready to have the option of settling. While I am not one to jump into anything serious too fast, I want to have that option. I want to meet someone who wants to have fun, but also isn't afraid of commitment. Who will allow things to take their natural course. Won't push anything too quickly, nor will head for the hills the moment he starts to feel "too much" for me. I'm tired of the games. I'm tired of getting jerked around. I'm ready for something REAL. Being abroad you meet people from all over which can be exciting, BUT, 9 times out of 10 they only want to have fun and then move onto their next adventure. That was me for a long time, but I am on the verge of a change and I don't think being abroad fits that form I am morphing into anymore.

I'm ready to be home. I'm ready to be back in school. I'm ready to date under normal circumstances again. My time left here seems like it's holding me back, but I DO need it to prepare for grad school and save up more money.

I'm so over it. Exhausted. Done.

I'm so excited to leave tomorrow for Japan! Butterflies are going crazy right now in my stomach that I have a hard time focusing at work. We don't have kindies today so I don't teach until 3 and we're all here getting lesson planning and such done. I've never re-visited a country I have lived in! This is so exciting/nerve racking. I know things are going to be different. I'm also really looking forward to spending time with Justin and Ayman...they have decided to stay on longer otherwise they would just now be finishing their contracts. Also, Fuji Rock is going to be fantastic! I just know it's going to be a great week and I'm looking so forward to it. I've only been away for 4 months, but it feels like a lot longer. I think it's mainly because I've done so much since then. I was home for two months where I traveled all the way to DC which is now halfway across the world from me. Went and saw Matt, spent time in the Portland area and a weekend in Corvallis. Spent quality time with the fam. Now I am settled here in Seoul and have made a whole new set of friends and am living a completely different lifestyle...the city life. I don't think I'll sleep tonight! I'm so excited!

So I'm going to start posting things on this website: www.xanga.com/katiestraveln
but I don't want to post anything on that site without pics since that is the main reason for even having an alternative site. Anyway, I was writing Matt back and got pretty chatty so I figured I would copy and paste this part of the e-mail talking about my first day in Seoul.


It's been an interesting first day here. The people here have proven to be quite friendly and extemely helpful to clueless foreigners like me that don't know what they're doing. So I was walking around and decided to check out the world cup stadium of 2002. I ended up in a really confusing food court inside this mall after buying an alarm clock, (the other one decided to break en route here), when this man came up to me and helped me order. Apparently you have to go up to the menu or glass case of fake food and pick what you want remembering the number. Then after that, you go to a special check stand to put in your order and pay. Finally, you give the reciept to the restaurant you are going to eat at and they make your food. When it's ready your order number (not food number) flashes on the screen. So this 53 year old and I ended up having lunch together, then got coffee and walked around outside. Very interesting person. He's been all over the world and has a son the lives in San Francisco and his daughter is going to move there as well this fall. He showed me where his shop was located in the mall so I'll have to go back sometime soon and visit him. Coming back to the guest house I managed, of course, to get lost so I went into a local shop and showed this guy a map to see if he knew where I was going. Then another guy came up and entered the address (luckily I had it with me) into his cell phone that happened to have a GPS on it. He waved for me to follow him which was apparently into his car! It turns out, I was about a mile away from where the guest house was (way off). He refused the money I offered his for gas and his time. I wonder what tomorrow will bring me!

I leave in 6 days! It's crazy to think how fast these two months have gone by. Seriously. I've done so much and seen so many people that I feel at ease for leaving again. I feel I know exactly how my friends and family are doing. I'm especially glad I was here for my mom this past month. She had a really hard time at work and also lost her half brother to kidney failure. She was not herself for a good week or so and I would have felt guilty had I been out of the country. Phone calls aren't the same as hugs. Taking two months off was a smart move on my part. I could stop life for a bit to take a deep breath and see where I was really going. Plus, it gave me plenty of time to see people (had I renewed my contract I would have only gotten two weeks off). Another year will bring a lot of familiar feelings and experiences back (confusion, language barrier frustration, homesickness, intellectual stimulation from learning about a new culture, meeting new faces, etc.), but with that will also come new feelings and experiences. Living in a big city in general will also bring about a new atmosphere for me. I've been this girl that grew up in a small town, but yearned for a big city...Numazu nor Rosario just weren't big enough and I wasn't in Lima long enough. Corvallis was the perfect college town, but after 3 years I felt the burn out and knew it wasn't for me anymore...then of course I had another year to go.

This kid Motoi in my babies class this morning has been really bad about sharing and will often go up to another kid and steal their toy. He has also been really shy around me. I guess that is no surprise because this class I took over for Matt in January so really I haven't had them that long. Today he was blocking the slide with a toy flute that Kokona was trying to go down. I decided to have him pretend it was a gate that he could open to let her by and began making crazy noises. He actually laughed for once and then let her through. They also started playing together. During snack he usually runs off five minutes into it and starts messing with things. He was going to dump the playing chips on the ground but I caught him before he had a chance. He then started hiding them from me and laughing. I put them up high so he got out the blocks instead which was okay. I walked out of the room to go back to the snack table and a few moments later he came up to me and said "kitte", come, and then gestured for me to help him put the last block on the tower he was building since he couldn't reach. He then started making some karate noises and then karate chopped the tower down. It was quite cute! Sometimes the biggest brats can surprise me with being sweet:)

So I started packing again last night and I must say and I damn good! I have two large bags to check in, my small suitcase to carry on, and my laptop case as my personal item. I have about most of it done and have filled up half my small bag, and almost all of one of my big bags. I still have another big bag to fill that is empty! Yay! Plus I am better about distributing the weight; putting the heavier items, like my books and shoes, in the small bag and lighter items in the big bag so I don't go over (learned that the hard way in Argentina where I got to play a game of "re-pack all the bags in the airport so they don't go over the weight limit and I don't have to pay extra"). I also have to remember to not pack liquids in my carry on because of tighter security due to that attempt last summer with the pet bottle and the cell phone. At least I got a crash course when I was going to Singapore so I know a little of what I am getting myself into. So all I have are the clothes I am going to wear within the next two weeks, a few more pairs of shoes, toiletries, jewelry, computer stuff, and a few miscellaneous things and then I'm done packing! My apartment is all ready super clean so I just have to give it another dusting/mopping/vacuuming and it will be ready too! This is a lot easier than I thought.

I finally feel ready to go back. I've gotten everything out of this year and my time here that I can. A big change is about to occur and it's not so scary anymore...it's time for the next step in my life. Taking two months off is something I am looking forward to. Making plans with family and friends has made me realize how much I really miss them and how excited I am to see them. Most likely I will be heading to South Korea in June. I'm not ready to settle so I shouldn't rush into something just because society wants me to. My mom is supporting me all the way this time, (she wasn't thrilled of my decision to come here), and she is talking about a good time to visit too! The good thing about South Korea is after you pay for the flight everything else is pretty cheap, plus there is a free place to stay! Okay so maybe I am advertising for those who read this to also try to visit me. I am aiming to live in Seoul so even if I am working there will be things for people to do. I have learned a lot about myself this year, but still feel I have work to do. Another year abroad will only do good and I know more of what I am getting myself into. I can do this! Bring on the change! Two more weeks!

I am on my last nerve with Mrs. Hosaka. I work two days a week at Senbon branch where she is supposed to be the assistant meaning she helps me if I ask her to. She always interrupts my class! I put up with it the first few months I was here because I understand that I was relatively new and she has been running this school for 38 years, but now it has gotten ridiculous. She is passing the school off to her children since she is well overdue for retirement. Most of the time when she interrupts me, it's to tell me things that I am already doing. I know I am not the only one she has done this to. Justin is getting very pissed off with her to. Doug has mentioned his irritation with her, Matt only has one class at Senbon, and Ayman doesn't work with her at all. I don't know how Michelle has stayed here so long having to work with her, maybe she told her how it was which is something I am considering doing. I just need to calm down and collect myself before I have a talk with her because I really don't want to get on her bad side since I heard she can make life hell for you if you do that. I don't remember getting this annoyed with bosses back in the States. Yes working for GAP Inc I had bosses that got on my case, but I guess I didn't let it get to me as much because I really didn't care all that much for the job whereas I am currently working somewhere that is far more related to my career path. Rarely ever do I get comments on what I am doing right. I don't mind hearing constructive criticism because I know I can improve from it and actually have from the past with reviews from Noriko and Michelle. In the beginning Mrs. Hosaka gave me constructive criticism, but now it is just redundant and it is usually always things I am already doing. She jumps to conclusions telling me to do stuff I am already planning on doing. I know I am doing a good job, but being around her makes me feel like shit. At least the improvement on the students' language abilities goes to show that something is being done right.

The worst part is that she contradicts herself all of the time, as well as contradicts what is said from Michelle, Shima, and Noriko. I told Michelle about this and she said just to follow what Mrs. Hosaka says around her, and then do it the other way when she isn't around. How can I do that when Mrs. Hosaka is contradicting herself?! One petty example was when I first got here I corrected papers with a check mark because that is how it is done in the states and teaching a language is also about teaching your culture. She got on my case because in Japan they do this swirly thing instead. She then asked the students what they preferred and they all said the way it is done in the states. A couple of weeks ago she got on my case about the same thing with a different class! I told her that the kids preferred the check mark and not believing me she asked them in Japanese only for them to also answer "check mark" proving me right. Of course instead of apologizing she says to make sure to ask the kids what they want before correcting the papers. That's another thing, she never apologizes when she is wrong about something. I know it could be a cultural barrier, but for someone who has worked with foreign teachers for over three decades she should realize that's what people do since we apologize to her when we make mistakes. I realize family pride is big here, but she should adapt to our work needs just as we have to adapt to hers coming all the way over here. She couldn't have much of a school if it wasn't for the native speakers that are recruited over here so giving some level of respect is important.

So I must go back for an evening class. Hopefully she will be too busy cooking dinner to come and bug me.

I am getting excited to go to Malaysia for 2 weeks in December. I am going to go talk to a travel agency this week about package deals and possibly going to the southern part of Thailand. It's worth the extra money to book everything at once rather than trying to sort things out on my own online, they're supposed to have good deals anyway. It will be my longest vacation solo which I think is a good thing. Although coming here I have gotten time for myself away from my comfort zone in the states, I have now created a comfort zone here with the teachers and feel it will be beneficial to take some time away.

Everyone else is going skiing for their vacation time. I would like to try skiing here, but don't want to spend my time off doing it when I could put that money towards relaxing on a beach. I think I will have some regret when we all come back and they are telling funny stories to each other about their experience together on the slopes. In the long run, I will be happy I took this time away. It will suck to spend Christmas and New Year's alone, but maybe I will meet some other travelers along the way.

Matt and I are still seeing each other, and Anne knows. She is the only one here that knows. I told her not to tell me if he does anything with other girls during vacation time. If we are still seeing each other, I really don't want to know and really don't want to share with him if I have a fling during my vacation time. If our little whatever it is we have lasts until then, the time away will really reveal how we feel about each other. If I miss him I will know it's more than lust, and if I don't then I will know it will be easy to let go of him when I return to the states. I hope the second is the case because I don't want to return having really liked someone and knowing that there is a good chance I would never see him again.

So I have really been thinking about moving to Chicago recently. It has always been a city of interest to me, but I never had a real reason to move there. Before I felt like I needed an actual concrete reason to move my entire life there, but the truth is I don't. It's just a feeling I have had for so long.

Aside from my abroad experiences, I have always lived in the Northwest. Am I really meant to live there for the rest of my life? I don't know until I try somewhere new in the states. I gravitate towards Chicago, so I am just going to go ahead and do less contemplating and more action. If I don't like it, I can always move back to the NW. I am saving up money and will soon contact companies hoping I can put my name out there so come spring I will have a few more options for jobs.

I would rather move there and realize first hand that it is not what I thought rather than never try it and have that regret hanging over my head. I won't be single forever, so it's a good idea I experience as much as possible before I fall for someone, decide I don't ever want to be apart from them, and then have to think for two people when making life decisions. Who knows, maybe he's there in Chicago.

If you couldn't already guess by the heading, I am at the halfway mark of my stay here in Japan. It's hard to believe that this much time has gone by already. Some moments I wonder where all this time went, and other moments it feels like I have been here an eternity and then I still have another eternity to go.

I have to start thinking more and more of where I want to go next. I have many options to choose from and know that I wont regret whatever decision I make. At the moment, I am leaning more towards returning to the US and starting out in Portland, then moving on from there. I am open-minded about all this so maybe I will choose something else if a tempting opportunity gets tossed my way.

When you reach a halfway point of something you always recognize it. Whether it's driving on a road trip, going on a painful hike, relaxing on a vacation, or teaching abroad. You are left with either the feeling of relief because you are halfway done, excitement because you only have the other half to go, dread because you are only halfway done and still have all this way to go, or sorrow because the first half is already over and all you have left is the next half. For me, I am feeling the last one. I know I have grown so much in this time here, and have room to only grow even more. It's just that, I had spent so much time before coming here being excited for this opportunity and now it is halfway done. I know I can stay on longer, but I think I am ready to move on. "I think", is the key phrase. Maybe next I will end up teaching in Europe. I could be anywhere a year from now. I am caught between wanting to live abroad some more, and wanting to establish a home-base. I do have a small fear of never being able to do this kind of thing once I am back in the states and begin establishing ties. Not ties to friends, but things that will tie me down. Am I ready for that sort of commitment?

Another thing I am amazed by is how people percieve time. Before I came here, a year living abroad seemed like a long time. Now that I am through half of it, it really doesn't seem that long. To be fair, I haven't kept up on much that is happening in the states. I did get curious the other day and checked out a celeb gossip website. That was the only thing that slapped me in the face of how long I have been gone because within the first minute of reading the headlines I could see that none of the same people were in the same couples as when I left. If they were, then they were getting married and/or popping out children. I got out of that website immediately. It was information overload. It wasn't the mere fact of the celebrity gossip that hit me, but just the fact that so much can change in a year. I know celebrities hold relationships about as well as an infant can control their bladder, but it's still a wake-up call. For me, it feels like nothing has changed, which is maybe why it has gone by so fast. What will happen when I return though? How bad will my reverse-culture shock be? I am addressing all this now in hopes to get my fears out in the open so I can get over them.

Since there is an expiration date sitting there, I am going to continue to experience as much as possible while I am still here. Not focus so much on drama that might come my way realizing that is a waste of my precious time here. How fast will these next six months go by? Hopefully not too fast and not too slow.

One more thing. I have to share this with someone, and I don't want to walk to the other teachers' apartments just for this. Anyway, in one of my classes we are doing three-letter phonics going over the basic vowel sounds. Today we started naturally with "A" saying "cat", "hat", "man", "map" and so on. We have charts that hang down where you can insert letter cards to spell different things. I started showing different examples having the children repeat with correct phonics. Then I let them try. I gave them a some letters besides the ones that would throw offthe basic "A" sound (like "w" and "y", and of course no other vowels). It was okay if they spelt a word that wasn't English because the point of the exercise was to get that phonics in their head, the vocabulary is not a big deal at this stage. Anyway, the first word that my first kid spelled was "Jap". When the class repeated it, it was obvious that stereotypical name from World War II is left out of the libraries. They had no idea what it was, and I am not going to explain it. It makes me wonder what names Americans have been called that have been left out of textbooks for our generation...

A couple other funny things. A couple of weeks ago at the end of my high school class, one of my students came up to me with a few questions. He had just been to Australia and picked up all sorts of lovely signs. He gave me the middle finger and said "this is bad right?", "Yes very bad Genki". "What about this?" Then he did the sign for the shocker! I burst into laughter, and said "Genki, as your teacher and a fellow human being, I am not going to tell you what that means. Just remember not to go flashing it around because you might offend some people". Mind you, this class is one of my favorites. They make me want to be a high school teacher. One of the lessons one time got into the topic of how people "pimp" out their cars in Japan vs. how people do in America.

Another thing is for one of my preschool classes this girl has worn a shirt on several occasions which says "I love my hooker". My boss' mom, Mrs. Hosaka, who helps out at that branch asked me what that shirt meant last week. I said it meant something bad. She said "oh it means someone who follows you around", I said "yes, that is what is means". I had to lie. I couldn't say it right there what is really meant! Especially to a 70+ year old!

This is also on myspace, but I just had to copy and paste it on here. I think it fits me pretty well, what do you think?

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion.
You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends.
You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation.
Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have low conscientiousness.
Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously.
Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions.
Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness.
You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly.
Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone.
You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

First of all, before I dive into this topic, I will admit that at moments of weakness I do miss having some here. For the most part however, I can proudly say that I don't. Why?

Let me break it down for you. I was in a relationship about a year ago that was well onto it's way to an engagement. Aside from other problems we were having, the realization that I wasn't ready for that chapter in my life and that he wasn't the one, made me get out of it faster than it all started. I realized I needed some time for myself, away from guy drama. Eventhough I have been single for the better part of highschool and college, I never have really taken a break from guys. All together. If I wasn't seeing someone, I always had someone there to call for comfort or a simple booty call.

My time in Peru helped a little with this, but not too much since it was only 3 months and I had a latin lover. This only made me realize the more how much I should spend time outside of America to really truly find myself. So obviously, the fact that I am here shows I took action to that plan. I expected there not to be much for dating, but thought I would have found someone by now. Frustrated? Hell no. I am glad I have stuck to my plan and haven't let too much guy drama leak into my life. I am figuring out so much now. I am becoming more brave in meeting new people, and beginning to handle problems on my own. I am building up more confidence in myself. I feel so free right now. I feel like I can accomplish anything. This is way cooler than dating. That would only interrupt this process. Unless I find someone who can only add to it and strengthen me that much more.

With all this said, I can't help but wonder if any of this would have happened if I had stayed in the states. Would I have been able to veer from guys on my own in a land where there are so many available English-speaking hotties compared to here? The answer is, probably not. After experiencing all of this, would it be completely crazy to stay here another year? I guess I should stop worrying about that and see how I feel when it gets closer to make that sort of decision.

No doubt about it. Summer is gone and fall is creeping in. The in between period consists of typhoon season. Woooh! Actually not really. I just saw on the news (actually in English wow), that Kyushu got hit pretty hard. It even knocked a train off of it's tracks aside from ruining tons of houses. Luckily we have yet to be hit with much of it in this area. All we get is the rainy and slightly windy part. The season is supposed to be over at the end of this month.

I am actually glad it is rainy today because I am feeling sick. I cancelled my extra class this afternoon so I can rest up before I start my normal work week at Hosaka. Last night I watched "Lost in Translation". I had seen it before I came here, but hadn't seen it since then. I figure I had been to Tokyo enough times, and have almost been here for half a year that I am ready to watch it. It's hilarious! So many of the scenes are true to how I have felt and experienced. Even certain noises like the elevaters or at the train station are distinctive. Even the song at a strip club is one I have heard at the supermarket. The only scene that is a little over-exaggerated is in the beginning of the movie when he is taking a shower. Most shower heads are adjustable for even tall people, especially at a nice hotel. But yeah, the wacky TV show, the noisy van...all happen here. I was proud to have understood everything the director was saying when Bill Murray was shooting his commercial. The translation the lady gave was actually not everything he was saying.

The date with Daisuke went well. There were no awkward silent moments at all. We chatted at this really nice cafe for about two hours. They had chai tea there! That made my day. Although I think he is great, I really don't feel a spark right off the bat. Maybe one will come later on, or maybe this will turn into just a friendship. Who knows. Right now I am not going to worry too much about it.

Well I had decided to come back to the states after my contract is up in March. My mom seemed more than happy to have me stay with her, but now that she thinks I am coming back she is worried I will freeload off of them. I wish she could just treat me like an adult for once. I know she is handling all of my bills and all I have to do is send money home, but I offered to take care of them if they were too much of an inconvenience to her and she said it was fine. I told her about my travel plans and she is freaking out that I won't have enough money for when I come back. She said "Katie you can always travel when you have summers off". This is true, but I am here now so why not try to do some traveling now? I am already adjusted to this crazy time zone. She keeps telling me that she would like to see me get my teaching license and master's degree so I can get into a serious job. Of course with that comes the expectation of getting married and then popping out children because she is just so ancy in becoming a grandmother. I know she is not trying to put so much pressure on me, but it's really annoying because this is my life not hers.

I hate how our society does this to people our age. Constantly, we are pressured to start careers right after college and then start a family. What is wrong with enjoying your youth for a little while? I know I can travel in the summers, but not once I start having children.

I am back on the fence again. I had decided to come home, but now I am thinking of staying longer. Not to rebel against my mother's wishes, but because one more year does not make that much difference for my "ticking clock", but would be more of an experience for myself. My boss is dropping clues of her wanting me to stay another year. When Michelle leaves in March there will be an opening for head teacher. I don't know if I will be offered that or not, but if I am it may be hard to pass up. It would look really good on a resume and there would be a pay increase. I am only at the halfway point, so I have time.

I went out last night for salsa night, and had an excellent time. I met a decent looking Japanese guy, taller than me, that speaks perfect English. We are going out for dinner tomorrow night. I definately like his personality so far, but I am not sure if there is chemistry there or not. I shall see. If anything, a friendship is always an option.

Anyway, that is what is new with me lately. I am doing a lot better since I found out about Bonnie.

A little over two days ago I got a phone call from Joe. I was relieved to hear from him, because I hadn't been able to get a hold of him for over a month. I then found out why. He went back to the states on emergency leave because his mother passed away on August 4th. I gasped and then began to cry as he told me the events that lead to her death. I was still in shock to clearly hear everything. I know there was a bacterial infection that then affected her brain. She died two days before he was able to reach her, and now he hates the airforce. I am hoping to visit him in Okinawa this winter when I get time off. I think that is more important than going on some exotic vacation. We talked for awhile about everything and then we got off the phone. I was then in hysterics. I guess I controlled myself while I was on the phone with him, and then let myself go once we hung up. I am very upset. I can't believe she is actually gone. I was so close to her. Bonnie was such a big part of our lives in High School and thereafter. She had fought through two strokes last fall, and then fought through her third in late June. I thought she was going to make it, if she made it through all of that. The last thing she told me was "Katie, when you get back from Japan I will be walking" and I truly believed her. She had so much hope for a longer life, so much hope because her condition had improved drastically and she had proven all of the doctors wrong. So much hope...

I just don't understand why she had to be taken out of this world. She had so much more life to live. I am so sad now, I have lost someone that was like a mother to me. That I could go to for any advice, and she would take a dramatic situation and make it into humor that we could both laugh about. It is going to be hard to face the fact that I will never see her again in this lifetime. If I am feeling this sad, I cannot even imagine how Joe and Sarah feel. She actually is their mother.

I hope in time, we will all feel less sad that she is gone, and happy that we shared such great memories with her. Until that time comes, I will be pretty bummed out for a while.

A few days ago we had an extrememly hot and humid day, but lately it has been cooling down. I can proudly say I survived most of this summer without having to use the A/C all that much. Waking up this morning not only did I notice I was sweat free, but looking outside I saw that some of the leaves are a lighter green color mean they are changing colors! Normally I wouldn't be this excited about fall, but I have gone 3 years without seeing it having been in South America the last two seasons. Plus, it is supposed to be especially gorgeous here.

With fall comes a lot of other things. My summer party habits will slow down since I need to save money and I also believe the weather affects people's actions. With it cooling down, everything else around me will start to calm. I do have more Tokyo all nighters ahead of me, but less karioke since that is a sneaky cash-eater. I will start to plan more for my winter trip and end of contract plans. I have decided to leave Japan next year. It wouldn't be the same if I stayed a second year because I would automatically compare the second year to the first, and the first is life-changing enough. For winter I think I am going to India. It seems a little random, but I know it would be an interesting experience. After my contract is up I will do South Korea, China, and the South Pacific as far as money will take me...time is no issue. If I wait to do it later, I will never have this much time again to experience Asia. Sure I will get 3 months off teaching, but summers here are unbearably hot.

I am excited for fall because of all of these things. It is right at the middle part of my time here, (which is also right now), so I can fully enjoy it. The first part of living abroad is adjustment and the last part is preparing to leave, the middle part is just right.

Okay so a bit of a warning, this is going to be a depressing journal so don't read on if you are in a giddy mood.

I saw my good friend Joe last weekend, and had a great time. The only thing that wasn't so great is something he told me in the midst of us being completely hammered... his mother had another stroke. A little refresher his mother, AKA like a mother to me, had two strokes last fall leaving her unable to walk nor speak clearly. She is still the same Bonnie I know, but now I am fearing the worst. I love her so much and don't understand why this is happening to her. She is such a wonderful person. Why does she have to go through all of this stuggle? I normally believe in god, but when I see someone I care so much for, that is still so young and such an amazing person go through all of this pain, I really don't understand what kind of "lesson" god is teaching us. I am so upset that Joe can't be there for her, because I know he is trying to. Currently he has no choice, since the government owns him and frankly they don't seem to care all that much about family emergencies like this. Unless it's a funeral, it's not an emergency. This is just my observation. Maybe I am overreacting, but seriously, how much can one person take? I can't help but think that next time she won't be able to work through it. I know she is a strong person, but really... three fucking strokes?? Is someone out there to make her suffer as much as possible??? I am again sorry for being so morbid. I just need to get this out to those that got past the warning and can actually handle this sort of e-mail.

By the way, reality is often a hard thing to grasp.

By this time tomorrow I will be partying with my good friend Joe from highschool!!! He has been stationed in Okinawa for a little over 2 years and I haven't seen him since he left the US...(for a little reminder of time the last night I saw him was the night of Tahiti Sweetie). Unless a major change happens, (like maybe N. Korea firing more at Japan), I will be on the train tomorrow for only about 2 hours to see my dear friend!!! I love Joe, (just as a friend), and am soooo excited to party with him. It is especially fun to party with a good friend in another country, (cough, cough, Catherine and some sangria in CR!!).